But I did not want to stop there and not fighting those hindrances. I conquered all fears. I conditioned my mind by watching a baby inside the womb of a mother via ultrasound. That was tough and yet a unexplainable joy and happiness were felt. A little creature growing inside a woman’s womb is an unbelievably wonderful and a very fulfilling moment. That’s an essence of being a woman I can say.
After 4 months of training (yeah right!), I was ready. It was August when we started to trying to conceive. We were excited but a little fear was still there. But the full excitement overcame those fears. We were dying to see the fruit of our love.
Having a little of knowledge of Physiology of Pregnancy I learned during the training, I knew on how we were going to do it to conceive surely. We did go to OB actually to see if my ovary was fine and nothing serious would be going to face later on. Fortunately, my ovary is normal and Doc let us see my egg, I was ovulating then. She said its perfect time for us to do it that night. And of course, we did it. That was August 26, 2010.
Two days later, I experienced some stretching on my belly. It was like I was having a 100 crunches. It was really uncomfortable. It was started in the morning and got worsen on the evening. I knew it was 1 sign of pregnancy because I felt that last year too (that was a different story). So I took rest and hope that tomorrow it would be gone. I really did not like that symptom. Again, another 2 days later, back pain, sore boobs, bloated and constipation struck me big time. I felt that I was already 4 months pregnant LOL! But a very painful experience was felt the day after that. It run for 3 days pain straight. I declared myself on a bed rest. I knew that I was really pregnant. I broadcast to my family and friends and said I did not like these symptoms at all! I was on pain. Hubby took me to nearby OB clinic to have it checked. Because it was too early to tell if I was really pregnant (it was my cycle day 31) , he prescribed me Duphaston and Folic acid. But on September 12, I was shocked that my AF or mens came. It should not be. I supposed to have a baby inside me. For 4-5 days bleeding I was still hoping. No, I was not desperate. I just explained what I knew was right. I had a faith on the belief. But one week that I had not felt any pregnancy so I stopped my fantasy and finally gave up. But at the back of mind, it was half truth. The faith was still there. (Promise, I’m not crazy!).
A week after that, during on my birthday week, the symptoms came back! And oh.. I did forget, how many times that I tested by urine test, and it was all negative. Oh well, that’s perfectly fine and normal. There are a lot of stories on having a negative urine and blood test but ended up pregnant. That was I kept on holding on. That belief. On our second TTC, sore boobs, back pain, constipation came my way again after the make love on CD 15 and 16. I knew I was really pregnant. So finally we went to another OB again recommended by a friend. An old guy doctor. That’s fine. So I told him my fantasy stories and gave me an ultrasound, to my surprise, he could see nothing. He told me, what I experienced was probably hormonal imbalance. Yeah right, 2 day bleeding on CD 19, 20 and some symptoms, that’s just a hormonal imbalance. WTH! I was just fantasizing! But he said, I should not be worried, that bleeding could also be an implantation bleeding. Here I was again, false hoping!
At CD 30, 2 spots came out. I immediately took duphaston. What was really happening I did not know. It was not fun at all. At CD 32, I experienced nausea, no, I knew it was not my imagination! I threw up at middle of the night. On the next morning, I was excited to test but again, a negative result came out. I really did not know what’s going on. I did not want to expect anymore. Today, its my CD 34 and vomiting always comes in me. No, I did not bother anymore. Well, I think this is the pay of what I did not want before. In reality, It’s hard …what I thought as fast and easy goal.
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